Quiter?

During my time in New York, I called The Academy of Art and withdrew from school. I failed to mention that after Phase I, there was a Phase II (getting accepted) and a Phase III (registering). I was scheduled to start February 1st with two classes. I was awarded financial aid. In other words, I was all set to go.

So why did I quit before I even started (wasting money in the process)? The answer to that is I'm not sure. All through the application process, I was nagged by this uneasy feeling. Maybe uneasy is the wrong word, but I couldn't help but feel that this wasn't the right path for me. I never listen to myself, so I started down the path despite the feelings. Part of me wanted to see if I could get in. Another, more prominent part, really wanted to go; to be a student and excel.

But a funny thing happened the last week before Christmas: I had three photo sessions in one weekend. I was out shooting, taking some of the best pictures I have to date and I was doing it without the help of school or the judgement of a professor. Now, I'm not saying that I won't benefit from the critical eye of a seasoned veteran or anyone really, I just don't know if it's worth going $50,000 in debt to get it.

While I was talking to different people about whether to quit or not, I was told that it takes more courage sometimes to NOT do something; to say no. Ultimately, the decision not to go to school was the best decision I could make. How would I, you're run-of-the-mill human girl with no notable super powers, be able to do well at teaching (which, after all, is my job for the foreseeable future), start a business, succeed in school and continue to be an amazing wife and friend? Could I do it? Hell, yes. Do I have to? No. I like the lining of my stomach, just fine thankyouvermuch. I cannot afford to get an ulcer over this. I don't want to lose all these other things that are so precious to me, just to prove to myself that I can do it.

I'm trying not to have the knee-jerk reaction of calling myself a quiter. I never quit anything. Well, maybe the gym and we see how that's turned out. I never withdraw. I never surrender. But at the end of the day, I'm not some gladiator facing a formidable opponent or a soldier fighting against an unknown threat. I'm just living my life. And I've learned that life, like a marriage or a relationship, takes compromise if you want to make it worth living.