What's Awesome? The Skymall

Whenever I fly, I always flip through the SkyMall catalog that's squeezed in the fabric pocket of the seat back, underneath the tray table. One time, Mike and I sat next to this lady who was all about the SkyMall. She eagerly awaited the release of the latest catalog and carefully read through every single page throughout the flight. I'm not nearly as serious as that; I just like to poke fun at the items for sale. Random does not even begin to describe the plethora of products available for purchase.

Fortunately for you, I'm stuck on this plane and so can break down my favorite products.

The Garden Yeti:

I'm going to start with the thing that, the moment I get a backyard, I will indeed purchase. Something needs to protect our turf, why not a yeti?

The Zombie of Montclair Moors:

 As if a Yeti weren't enough, lets toss in a friggin' zombie. I'm going to let the folks at SkyMall take this one, "This life-size, gray toned zombie will claw his way out of your graden plot, office* or family room* corner, pleading for assistance with the eeriest eyes you've ever seen...finished so realistically that you'll swear you'll hear him breathing."

*What?

 The Marshmallow Shooter and The Automatic Marshmallow Bazooka:

 Two items that project marshmallows. Seriously.

 The Telekinetic Obstacle Course:

 

 The guy in the picture looks like a tool. It uses your focuses brain waves to move a ball through an obstacle course. You wear a head band with some clips in your ears. It's supposed to measure some type of theta wave activity. Whatever. I just want to meet the person who owns this.

 Crusades Chess Chest: 

 

As Mike said when I read him the product description, "Well, they need to explain what the Crusades were if they want people to buy it." If you need a refresher, SkyMall is there for you: "The Crusades Set depicts the nearly 200-year religious battle between the Christians and Muslims." In case you're not into Holy wars, you can get the World War II set complete with mini-FDR and Hitler. Because, you know, you want a chess set that "brightens a room and is fun to play."

Lord Voldemort's Wand or The One Ring: 

No explanation needed.

Truck Antlers: 

In case truck balls are a little too garish, you can give your truck a makeover with these Truck Antlers, because "sometimes one car horn just isn't enough."

Alien Gnome Bandits:

This might get the award for most random thing at the SkyMall. Again, I'll let them explain it, "There's something terribly wrong here. Two open-jawed aliens are tromping off with your helpless, hapless garden nome." Can I just say, $150.00 if you want the large version. Totally worth it.