"Go Confidently in the Direction of Your Dreams."

Henry David Thoreau was full of crap. Yeah, I said it. It's so easy to "Live the life you've imagined" when you're not scared shitless and when you have nothing to lose.

I just submitted the rest of my application for my MFA in photography. Talk about feeling woefully inadequate. The Skills and Experience section was like a high school student's who just started taking photography classes. Maybe I shouldn't mention this since there's a link to the blog from my portfolio site. But F-it. I'm all for honesty here.

I have never ventured into something that is so exciting and so scary at the same time. Even when I started teaching, I didn't feel like this. I walked into the classroom knowing that I was going to kick ass and, sure enough, I have. For some reason, I'm super confident when it comes to teaching. I know I'm a good teacher. But when you get to other parts of my life, the parts that involve photography, writing (that's a whole other beast) and whether my thighs are slowly but surely swallowing my jeans, I'm about as insecure as the chess club president trying to ask the head cheerleader to prom (I'm stuck on 80s movies right now, people).

Confidence is a tricky thing. I'm confident enough to tell you off if you've scheduled a meeting and didn't bother to show up or to tell two almost-grown 18-year-olds that if they want to fight each other they better plan on fighting me first (I did this while taking off my earrings). I'm not confident enough, however, to say "Hey, I've got this budding business, want me to take your picture?" or "Yeah, I'm in the middle of a novel that's totally going to get published." Um, no.

I'm not whining here. Not at all because, despite whatever I'm saying right now, I'm still plugging along, trying to become a better photographer, trying write 50,000 words in a month, trying some self improvement on the reg. All I'm saying is that it's easier said than done, Thoreau. It's hard enough as it is to take a leap of faith in yourself, let alone to do so confidently. How about I just go in the direction of my dreams? I'll figure out the confidence part when I get there.

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Here's a picture of my first maternity session. My charming friend from highschool Javy and his wonderful wife Julieta were so good to let me take pictures of them right before she pops. She's due at the end of the month. They are a cute couple who, I'm sure, are going to make one cute little girl.