Haterade

One of the things I hope to accomplish writing this blog is a bit of self improvement. That's all well and good in theory; in practice, however, it's a whole other matter. Sometimes finding out the truth about yourself, well, it kind of sucks. Let me explain.

The other day I was talking to my best good friend Scott and I was venting about how I was feeling jealous all the time for some reason or another. I was jealous of this girl in a blog I read. I was jealous of the way someone took a picture. I was jealous of someone's hair. I mean for a week there I was jealous of everything. It was freaking me out because I'm not normally like this.

So I'm telling Scott this and just letting loose when he tells me, "You're not jealous; you're just a hater." And I SO am! It was like the clouds parted and God came down just to smack me upside the head. Ick. I hate this about myself. (There I go again!)

I think there is a little bit of hater in all of us it's just unpleasant when we realize it. It's not like I'm trying to be this way. And the thing that pisses me off most is that I love my life. It's not very glamorous or exciting but it's happy and full of all the things that keep me walking on air half the time. The week of my realization, I was seeing more green than normal. I honestly wouldn't change anything about my life...well, maybe I'd have that Kitchen Aid Stand Mixer I've coveted for a while and the ability to take beautiful pictures like some of the wedding photographers I've found online, but other than that I wouldn't change a thing.

That's a lie. If I could change a thing it'd be this tick I have to hate on myself. I'll tell you, I don't give myself a break. It's always something. I know that we are our toughest critics but when do we take some of the love that we send out and aim it inward? One of the reasons why I started to write my Morning Pages religiously was because I wanted to focus on the things that make me happy and keep me stress-free (a struggle in and of itself.) Constantly giving yourself a hard time can be exhausting. I know that I've mentioned before how I want to change my whole approach to my physical fitness. Consider this quest no. 2. I want to be a little nicer and not hate so much, whether is be other people or myself. It seems easy enough but I know it's a habit I have to develop. We don't normally give ourselves the benefit of the doubt, but I'm about to start.

What about you? Hate much? What kinds of things about yourself do you want to change for the better? Leave your thoughts in the comments...all two of you who read this.